Hey guys. Long time no blog. First order of business, I've been mucho busy trying to find a second job. Gotta get on the grind for this apartment money. Second, I just started up a new blog on Tumblr, so if you're still interested in my randomness (by the way, peace to Patrick for being my one and only follower-- thanks, bro!), find me at callmejonesy.tumblr.com. This blog is going bye-bye soon. Out with the old and in with the new. Be blessed & behave. Peace.
-jihad.jones
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Let it flow...
In the past week, I've gone through quite a bit in the love department. Mostly, it's self-chosen pain. I've allowed myself to focus on the past & the future and what could be and what probably couldn't be. I realize that this is poisoning a great thing that I have with my boyfriend. I make him happy, he makes me happy, and we're good together. We could be great together, if we allowed ourselves to be. What i've come to realize is that you have to make the best of what's going on in the present moment. The future is not guaranteed. 2 or 3 minutes from now, anything could happen. If you're happy now, do what you can to make sure you stay happy, and let God take care of everything else. Worrying about what could be or could have been is totally irrelevant to what is now.
"Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears."
"Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears."
-Kahlil Gibran
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Love Paradox
forgive me folks. just had to get some things off my chest. wait, who am i talking to? nobody reads this shit. anyways, enjoy.
"he came to me with indifference..."
but with an open heart did i receive him
"freely i gave..." myself to him
allowing myself to be molded & folded
into an unrecognizable being
normalcy is obscure
love so pure & tainted
that letting go is necessary
but to do so would leave us both
lifeless...
the pain i feel makes me hate you
& sets my soul ablaze with a yearning
to love you as deeply as I once did
he now gives with an open heart
"but with indifference will i receive him..."
"he came to me with indifference..."
but with an open heart did i receive him
"freely i gave..." myself to him
allowing myself to be molded & folded
into an unrecognizable being
normalcy is obscure
love so pure & tainted
that letting go is necessary
but to do so would leave us both
lifeless...
the pain i feel makes me hate you
& sets my soul ablaze with a yearning
to love you as deeply as I once did
he now gives with an open heart
"but with indifference will i receive him..."
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Just Cause I Love You....
I know it's been awhile. It's not like anybody's reading this shit, anyway. Guess if nobody else benefits from it, I will. It's cathartic for me. And I definitely need some release right now...
Just had a huge fight with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. Maybe I didn't handle myself well. Maybe he didn't handle himself well, either. Doesn't matter. It shouldn't have happened regardless. Stupid shit. Bottom line is, we've been together for a long time. 4 years is a very long for a young couple. Marriage is the next obvious step. And I'd love to marry him. I don't think anything would make me happier. But, honestly, there are things that make me doubt our future together. Mainly: me. I fell in love with him hard at the beginning. Very hard. And I loved him with every fiber of my being and with every ounce of strength that I had (not to say that I don't anymore, because I am still very much in love with him). But it seemed like the intensity of my love went unreturned until now. And now, I'm tired. You can only push yourself so hard for so long until you wear yourself out. Now, he's giving everything he has to our relationship, and I'm just kind of going along for the ride. Is it because I feel like I've done my part? Because I don't want to set myself up for more pain? Did I fall in love too fast? Have I set myself & our whole relationship up to fail because of that? Or am I just selfish? I don't think I'll ever figure this out. "If it's meant to be, it will be." Yeah, that sure sounds pretty. Now, how do you deal with trying to make something permanent when everything around you seems to tell you that it's temporary?
-j.jones
Just had a huge fight with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. Maybe I didn't handle myself well. Maybe he didn't handle himself well, either. Doesn't matter. It shouldn't have happened regardless. Stupid shit. Bottom line is, we've been together for a long time. 4 years is a very long for a young couple. Marriage is the next obvious step. And I'd love to marry him. I don't think anything would make me happier. But, honestly, there are things that make me doubt our future together. Mainly: me. I fell in love with him hard at the beginning. Very hard. And I loved him with every fiber of my being and with every ounce of strength that I had (not to say that I don't anymore, because I am still very much in love with him). But it seemed like the intensity of my love went unreturned until now. And now, I'm tired. You can only push yourself so hard for so long until you wear yourself out. Now, he's giving everything he has to our relationship, and I'm just kind of going along for the ride. Is it because I feel like I've done my part? Because I don't want to set myself up for more pain? Did I fall in love too fast? Have I set myself & our whole relationship up to fail because of that? Or am I just selfish? I don't think I'll ever figure this out. "If it's meant to be, it will be." Yeah, that sure sounds pretty. Now, how do you deal with trying to make something permanent when everything around you seems to tell you that it's temporary?
-j.jones
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Why there are no good men left...
Via Scottie Lowe (@Afroerotik on Twitter): I’m always discouraged when I read comments from Black women that ultimately relate to identifying a man’s “gayness”. It seems that Black women have constructed absurd and ridiculous notions of what makes a man gay, or unacceptable as a partner. It seems that Black women have constructed equally disturbing rules and notions of what makes a man “a real man”. Black women are striving for characteristics in men that make them the worst possible partners and then we cry how there are no good men.
A lot of people joke about this, but it's actually true. I'm not trying to make a point that black women are the reason why there aren't any good men left, but honestly, we're not helping. It seems that we want the men that make everything BUT us a priority. As long as our bills are paid and our weave is fixed, it's all good. Who cares about stimulating conversation, emotional nourishment, and lovemaking so good you could swear your souls touched? But that's just me. Let me know what y'all think about this. Peace.
-jihad.
A lot of people joke about this, but it's actually true. I'm not trying to make a point that black women are the reason why there aren't any good men left, but honestly, we're not helping. It seems that we want the men that make everything BUT us a priority. As long as our bills are paid and our weave is fixed, it's all good. Who cares about stimulating conversation, emotional nourishment, and lovemaking so good you could swear your souls touched? But that's just me. Let me know what y'all think about this. Peace.
-jihad.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Been gone for a minute...
Hey guys. I know I've been MIA for awhile, but bear with me. Some major ish has been goin on right now, but it's all good. Just be patient with me and I'll be back soon with more stuff. Peace!
-Jihad
-Jihad
Monday, January 25, 2010
Grief, Strength, And Moving On...
Howdy folks. I know I've been MIA for a minute, but here I am. A lot of things have been going on and it's taken me awhile to process it all. Mostly, it's been about my grandfather, James. It's been a little over a year since he passed away, and it still hurts. Not as bad, but bad enough.
To keep it short, sweet, and simple, death is only the beginning. Cliched, I know, but it's the truth. Wallowing in despair isn't going to bring your loved one back. If you do what the Good Book says, you'll see them again very soon. We as human beings are selfish. We want to stay on this earth forever, but the earth itself isn't going to be here forever, so we have no right to lay claim to everything in it, including each other. The Most High was gracious enough to give us the time we have, so we must be gracious enough to accept our fate. The last thing our loved ones want for us is pain.
Side note: Strangely enough, my Papa came to me in a dream about a week after we buried him. Basically, he said, "Look, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm where I need to be. Now, dry it up and move on before I tear you up."*sigh* Good ole J.E.
Moral of the story is: not living the lives we're blessed with is an insult to those who are no longer with us. In remembrance of those you've lost, be the best you can be.
♥TO J.E. ADAMS, JR.: I love you and I miss you dearly. I can't wait to see you and Nana again. Hoo-rah! ♥
To keep it short, sweet, and simple, death is only the beginning. Cliched, I know, but it's the truth. Wallowing in despair isn't going to bring your loved one back. If you do what the Good Book says, you'll see them again very soon. We as human beings are selfish. We want to stay on this earth forever, but the earth itself isn't going to be here forever, so we have no right to lay claim to everything in it, including each other. The Most High was gracious enough to give us the time we have, so we must be gracious enough to accept our fate. The last thing our loved ones want for us is pain.
Side note: Strangely enough, my Papa came to me in a dream about a week after we buried him. Basically, he said, "Look, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm where I need to be. Now, dry it up and move on before I tear you up."*sigh* Good ole J.E.
Moral of the story is: not living the lives we're blessed with is an insult to those who are no longer with us. In remembrance of those you've lost, be the best you can be.
♥TO J.E. ADAMS, JR.: I love you and I miss you dearly. I can't wait to see you and Nana again. Hoo-rah! ♥
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